So, I just got an e-mail from the NY home office about the NYC trip in July that basically says "bring us some clips so that we can figure out if you're good enough to get hired."
I am totally freaking out.
I have not written enough.
I have over-researched this fucking elephant story, wasted time doing so, and now have more information then I could possibly synthesize in a 1,000-1,500 word story. I have no idea where to begin. And I still don't have two key interviews. I know, ridiculous right?
I feel like I've been working for two weeks with nothing to show for it.
I bit off more than I can handle.
I need a beat. I need little daily stories. I can't handle the pressure of an enterprise.
Why would they throw me straight into enterprise? Why am I freaking out over this? I have written long stories about complicated topics. I can do this. This is what I do.
Fuck, what if I get to NYC and I'm totally inadequate. What if they think I suck? What if I do suck? Am I even ready for this?
And my trainer has been the superviser-substitute this week and way too busy to work with me (I get it, I don't want to stress him out more, I know how that feels). So my evaluation got moved to next week, which means it's going to stress me out and give me an ulcer all weekend. So I want to ask him if he wants to get a drink after work to do an informal review of me, but I know his week has been hell and the last thing he wants to talk about is work. It's also probably not that good of an idea for me to talk when I'm fucked up like this.
Some one give me an anti-anxiety pill. I am totally freaking out.
I need to finish this fucking elephant story.
Dammit.
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2 comments:
Write that story, breathe, get the best clips possible, go to New York, and keep living the dream!
You'll be just fine.
Remember, you're fabulous.
(This is supposed to be a different sort of inspiration than what mike seems to be rather good at)
I think you like being stressed.
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